FRICTION (Part 2)

Hello.... She said again

"Nneoma how are you"?

"Errr, i'm fine sir... Errm, sir, i"m sorry i couldnt make it today again.. I was caught up in...."

"Nneomaaa, are we seeing you tomorrow"?

"Yes sir, definetely..."

"Nneoma, you said "definitely" the last time and we didn't see you today.."

"I'll come tomorrow sir I promise"

"Alright. Take care.

She had wanted to cut the call, but the person on the phone seemed like he said something, she put the phone back to her ears.
"Hello sir"

"Yeah, I said where are you"??

"Sir, I'm in a friends birthday"

"Party?

"No sir, dinner sir, birthday dinner sir"
As if that made a difference..

"Oo..kay... No problem then see you

 tomorrow"...

"Okay sir bye"

           The "Call end" Beep...

Wow. She thought she was going to get serious scolding from her pastor, even though she knew he was angry with her. And that she'd still get her scolding later, she was happy that it didn't come at this particular time. Wrong time to be scolded at!

Actually she almost felt relieved, almost.
If her pastor ended the call initially, and didn't ask where she was. She would have felt completely relieved knowing that at least she can still put herself out of that guilt feeling, by just being in church tomorrow.

nevertheless, the call wasn't entirely useless to her feelings, at least she was no longer tensed.

She took a deep sigh of relief. She was calm. There was a new determination to flush off this guilt from her system, she had the power, right in her hands, all it would take was the dawn of a new day.

She walked slowly back to the dinner. As she entered, she didn't  try to look as if she was fine and all into the groove. She was too drained, and the her physical self gave up the fight.

 
Not like she looked noticeably depressed, but she didn't look as hyper as she was before she left.

Nobody even noticed that she was no more in that "hyper" mood.. They were all too "hyper" to notice. In other words, the party didn't stop because of her.

Few minutes later, the celebrant announced that they were moving straight to the club from there. For a little dance off.

.

The girls were excited, they were all screaming! Some of the girls came to Nneoma's ears to scream. Showing how excited they were. What you didn't know was that they all brought extra clothes for "clubbing".. So at the announcement, they started removing nylons from their bags.. They were going into the rest room to change.

How did Nneoma take the news. Guess?

Nneoma didn't utter a sound, she just plastered this wide grin on her face.. It was "plastered" because it wasn't from her heart.. In fact, looking at her you wouldn't tell if she was excited or not.

Inside her heart, she knew there was absolutely no way she'd follow them to club. NO way! Not with the determination that call brought. In fact thank God for that call.

She probably would have followed them if she didn't receive that call, of course she brought her own "change of garment" too.  She would have just kept on "fitting in" "fitting in" and "Fitting in into the club"

But she doesn't feel that way now, all she wanted to do was leave that place, and go home, get ready for tomorrow, and get some sleep.
So the "plastered smile" was the perfect costume.

But wait, why was she trying to cover up the fact that she doesn't want to follow them to the club?
Why was she trying to look excited, or why was she playing it safe?? She still doesn't want to be seen as "inferior" or "different"...
What was WRONG WITH NNEOMA!??

She felt that urge to just take her leave and tell the few who cared  that she wouldn't be going to the club.
But no, the plastered smile got wider.

Voices in her head went:
"Stop smiling and take your leave"
"Keep smiling and wait till everybody starts to leave"

"Stop smiling and take your leave"
"Keep smiling and wait till when everybody starts to leave""

"Stop smiling and take your leave"
"Keep smiling and wait till everybody starts to leave"

Her Friend( the celebrant) walked up to her.
"Nneoma, won't you change?"

Nneoma just shrugged, like she was tired, she drew her friend's ear to her mouth, then she whispered

"Babe, house tins o"

"Ah ah, why? You are not coming with us to the club?"

"I don't think so, tomorrow is service and you understand I'm a leader in church, I already missed two meetings today I cant afford to miss service".

Her friend understood, her friend knew that Nneoma was the church type, she knew that Nneoma had responsibilities. So she wasn't surprised at all at Nneoma's decision.

"Alright then"

Nneoma checked the time, it was past 10, she could still make it to the celebrant's house.

So she followed the other voice, she kept smiling until all the other girls started to leave, she joined the mix.
Outside the venue, every other person joined the cabs going to the club...
She codedly found an empty cab, hopped in, and off they zoomed.

It wasn't as if going for a friend's birthday dinner was wrong, or mingling with "off the hook" chicks,
she didn't have a curfew, she didn't have to explain her whereabouts to anybody,

Nneoma simply has constant friction. Friction between the physical and the spiritual, friction between the love for God and the love for the world. That kind of friction that occurs when you chose your path, the kind of friction that occurs when you've made a solid life decision, or when you're trying to get over an addiction.

Nneoma had made a decision, Nneoma had given her life to Christ  1year ago, and had decided to make God the number1 priority, since then, it has been quite a struggle between herself and herself, 

A struggle between who she wants to be and who she ought to be,
The friction occurs everyday, in all her decisions, all her activities..
Nneoma was looking for a way to break out of herself completely.
A way to completely "Die to self". "Completely"
She didn't want to be spiritually mild and gentle, she wanted to be active, agile!

And she knows she hasn't been doing a good job so far.
I mean, she obviously still makes her own decisions even when her spirit is telling her otherwise.
She is still worried about what people would think, how "uncool" she'd look as a "born again",
She still wants to "Fit in".
She is not letting go.

Being in a birthday dinner wasn't wrong, Missing church leadership meeting and choir practice for a birthday wasn't right either,

Staying in a coozy atmosphere with "off the hook Chicks" wasn't wrong, Pretending to be what she was not, (The alcohol stunt) wasn't right either...

Gisting and having fun with her friends wasn't wrong, not inviting one of them to her church when her spirit told her to wasn't right either...

A lot of things doesn't seem wrong, But Nneoma knew she wouldn't make progress if she didn't stretch beyond the norm.

Nneoma has tried, she keeps trying, she was getting tired of trying.
She ends up feeling like a failure, like a disappointment to God, after each try.

 

As she lay on the bed that night, thinking about her commitment to God and the progress she has made so far, She started regretting. Why did she leave church for the party? What was her gain?
She tossed and turned round the bed,
She searched for her earphone, plugged into her phone and played Kim walker's "All I need is you"
That was her reconciliation song.

She didn't sing out but her tears found a way out.

She needs to step up her game.
She's not moving. She's not letting go..

In between her Thoughts, something just struck her.
A message from her pastor. "You Cant save yourself, only God can save you"...

She remembered the scripture " not by might, nor by power, but my spirit says the lord".... She couldn't recall the exact verse and chapter but she knew it was in the book of Zechariah. So she quickly checked her phone, It was Zechariah 4v6

Wow!
It was like a renovation going on in her head.
She suddenly realized she has not been letting "The spirit" change her.
She has been trying to change herself, by herself, by her power, by her might.
She has been trying to do all the work.
She has been getting it all wrong.
She hasn't been working with the holy spirit. She has been working alone.
What she has been craving is "spiritual change" and not some physical change that requires some dieting and workouts.

This new path of thoughts brought peace to her, she suddenly felt relaxed, "super relaxed" like bags of sand had just been lifted off her chest.

She prayed a new prayer.

"God take over"
Dear Lord, I cant do it alone, This is a huge task and my flesh is too weak to carry it out alone, I need your spirit to help me. I'm tired of trying!

As she prayed, the peace she had increased, it was like magic...
That feeling of condemnation she had been feeling some few minutes was gone.... It "vanished"
Her mind stopped racing.
She felt new.
She felt strong.
These feelings were real.
 It was the total opposite of what she felt before.

By the time she concluded her prayer, her mind was completely Still!. "He leads me beside the still waters" kind of still.

She heaved the 99th sigh of relief...
Sleep took the wheels.

2hours later. Which seemed to her like 15minutes later, her alarm woke her up. Despite the fact that her night was short, she felt very refreshed!

She prepared for service happily, in the midst of her preparations, the events of last night flashed through her thoughts, she shook her head and smiled.. 
"Stupid girl like me" she muttered.

And off she went to church.
She was going to tell her pastor everything.
She knew this was the change she has been craving.
It had happened "within her"
She was free.

****************The End****************

"If you"re not a doctor, you cant operate on yourself, (Even doctors dont operate on themselves) if you"re not the holy spirit, you cant transform yourself...."
            "Alexandra okalla" ( 2015)

FRICTION: PART1

They were all sitting at a round table, laughing, gisting, taking selfies and groupies with expensive phones. The lowest phone there would be nothing less than 135k. Or, well, the phones with which the pictures were being taken, because normally, the people that had the "minority phones" would peacefully leave it in their purses and then proceed to take pictures with any "majority phone" near their reach. They'd either use bluetooth or Whatsap for the transfer later on.

Expensive wines were everywhere on the table. Cakes were just there like plates of food for each person, shiny Gold tumblers, lots of snacks and small chops, shiny wraps of richly garnished chicken suya. The lighting was coloured. blue, red, pink, white. Everything  was just a mixture of perfect and perfect!

Colour code was White, Including the faces of the people that surrounded the table, i dont know, maybe it was makeup,  or the lighting changed everybody's complexion, or maybe there was just no dark skinned person in the room, Just maybe.

Nneoma was somewhere there, it was her friend's birthday dinner, and it was an all girls dinner.
The sight was truely awesome! I"m sure the celebrant didnt plan it this way but all the invitees looked just as charming as she was, thank God for the tiny crown on her head.. At least one would successfully fish out the celebrant after much struggle..

The song selection was dope. There was a tight DJ somewhere, even though  not in the room,  reading the minds of every single girl, and playing their favourite songs. Every song that came on sparked off a certain fire, one or two people, or three, or five, sometimes  everybody in the room would start singing the song, like they were some kind of a singing group, the "few" people who didn't know the song would get so fascinated, they would start swinging their heads left and right.

"Who sang that song pls??
Ahh, you dont know this song?? Thats lady gaga's latest.

Nneoma had asked up to 5times, and inferiority complex was beginning to creep in with the question of
"aah, you dont know this song??"

So she stopped asking. She noticed that she would be percieved as primitive or something close to that. And she didn't want it, she was enjoying the atmosphere. A lot of hype in the air.

The quality of her dress wasnt really noticeable because she covered it up with a very neat make up, averagely acceptable manicure and pedicure, so at least her fingers were colourful, (at least).. Her shoes, even though not spectacular, were  "OK"... No, Not  Okirika..
"OK" like "just there"At least they added to her height, and they made her walk with a certain carriage. "Just like others"

Her hair wasnt brazillian like most others but at least the lenght was up to her shoulders and a little longer, so she can flip it around (like others) and it gave her that "chicky" look. "Just like others"

She had her normal wrist watch, a present from her Aunty who lives abroad, she only wore that wrist watch to ocassions. Ocassions like the one she was in. At least there was a shiny stuffon her wrist. "Just like others".

She fitted right in, even though not perfectly, but peeping inside the room, she looks just like every other person.

Just that there was something about her, it wasnt very sharp, you would have to be an extremely observant person before you could notice the small stunts she pulled. stunts like:

Pouring alcohol in her glass and sipping, but the drink never goes down, (she was actually just kissing the cup)

But then, nobody came there to observe so she was safe. Very safe. In fact she became the life of the dinner. She was funny, she knew how to gist, she is a social bird, she socialized with everybody  and she kindah managed to bring everybody together.
She took the toast,
She brought up most of the topics discussed,
She made funny gestures,
Luckily, they found her cool..
So she was enjoying the atmosphere.

****** ******* ******** ********** *******

She felt the the vibration again, her phone was in her purse which was placed on her laps. It was the 4th time, once again, she ignored.

The vibration came on again, this time she had a stronger urge to pick up, she checked the time, it was just past7, she guessed who was calling. No, she "knew" who the caller was. Actually she had two people in mind, it must be one of them calling. Or both must have called. She opend her purse, got out her phone, She was right. 5Missed calls from the people she had expected.

She quickly put her phone back, a lot of things had gone on through her mind in just "bringing out her phone and putting it back" seconds. It was like these calls poured out a certain feeling of guilt on her, These calls were spoiling her fun! She started off this dinner party with mind and body in full coperation, they were in synch. These calls are tearing her mind and her body apart!

She was suddenly bothered about something, she knew she had willingly betrayed her desires, This wasnt a struggle, she willingly just gave into it.

All these were going on in her mind, but her face didnt look anything like her thoughts! She was happy, laughing hard with others, enjoying the atmosphere,  her mind just sat there, hands under the jaw, feeling the exact opposite of her outside self.

There came the vibration again. This time she wanted to pick up, she wanted to say something, maybe it"ll ease her off, she hurried off outside, she took a deep breath then she swiped her screen to answer...

......"Hello"....

Mum's prayers keep me going:: Excuse to be spiritually lazy

Hi guys, 

Can we talk about this?

This popular phrase "mum's prayer keeps me going"

Lets look at it critically and copiously *according to my lecturer**

I find it very dissapointing that a full grown person (above teenhood) will still hold on to this phrase mostly as an excuse to be spiritually lazy. 

I am going to be as blunt as i can be on this post because the matter does not need sugar coating ehn.

For Some of you, your mothers are in the village, Suffering, and probably not in a good health condition. 

The Poor woman will be praying for herself and of course her family including YOU! and you're there living your life like its yours. But you"ll still say: "Mum's prayers keep me going"... smh! Going where??? (i feel thats lowkey wickedness though)

Cant you see that she needs your prayers more than you need hers so GET BORN AGAIN AND START PRAYING FOR YOUR MUM!!! Ask God to keep her alive for you and for God to give her strength so that she wouldnt slump and die untimely. Or at least even though its her "time" to die, she would die comfortably.

For some, your mothers are not in the village and they are not ill or anything, but they get too busy that they actually forget to pray for themselves, not to talk of praying for you.

For some of you, your mothers aint even prayerful at all.. but all of you will still Say "mum's prayers keep me going"..

Point is,

 I wonder what you're doing as a youth. How busy can you get to actually get into serious prayers for yourself, and YOUR MUM!

Watch that the only time you remember that mum's prayers keep you going is when you've checked yourself to notice you havent prayed for like 1week or 2 or 3months or years or you haven't been getting it right with God, then that tiny deceptive voice comes and tells you "dont worry, mum is praying for you, her prayers gat you". 

Of course bro! I dont know where exactly you're going to but mum'sprayers WONT get you into HEAVEN.!!.. Get born again... Get prayerful and you'll be suprised your prayers will be what will keep your mum going!!..

Lets talk about those that have prayer warrior mothers.

I hope you know her prayers wont reserve a space for you in heaven. 

Sis, When you marry and have kids, will your mum's prayers keep your family going? or dont you know that you're supposed to build up your prayer life?

See, To be most sincere,your  lovely mum needs your prayers more than you even need hers.

I'm not underestimating the power of our mums' prayers but it should work hand on hand.

PS:  This post is not to condemn anybody.. me sef i have used the picture, infact it used to be my favorite phrase. until, well........

THE END.